what if

This is how I always knew life was supposed to be But for some reason it just could never get there.

I always desired to be thought of and somehow it left me aching. I wanted to enjoy new seasons approaching but as time grew closer, I learned to hold on tight. I knew I was capable of giving so much but I felt how much it cost every time. I continued to dream....
I sit here in a dream tonight. Totally blown away that this is my life. I was sitting at starbucks today looking at a little flyer advertising the Holland Tulip Festival and it made me smile. Only I will understand what it meant to me. I think maybe the "average" girl would go on taking this life that I call a dream for granted. I won't, I refuse. I am so Blessed. Thank you.

On August 13th, 2007, I was alone at my house (another lonely night without my children) and I began to cry out to God to release the loneliness that I had been experiencing for so long... I BEGGED Him! I wrote down these words:

GOD, I beg you to take this loneliness that I feel, This desire to be wanted and truly loved. I turn to you

I taped that card to my wall filled with so many other verses and words that God had brought to me during my
journey of divorce. And then I sat down and wrote out a list of what I knew I was looking for and needed and placed it in my Bible, trusting in Him.

I fell asleep peacefully that night.

It was the next weekend that Mr. Eric Bruce Wagenmaker and I would cross paths again. He asked me to go get some coffee. Seven months later, and I have still have goosebumps. (#19 on my list).

I'm not the average girl.

I have a reason to SMILE